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To the very tall blonde guy wearing a white sweater with colors on it, who stood next to my friends and I at the recent Head and the Heart concert, Sunday night, Beachland:
First of all, you were charming. You were a little wild, but very sweet and funny and from the jokes you made, I could tell you were pretty intelligent too. You seemed like a really nice guy, a darling. Which is why I need to say this to you: get some new fucking girls to hang out with dude. Those girls you were with might possibly be the most obnoxious people I have ever had to be by in a show, with their constant shrieking and drunken pushing. They took flash photos of themselves every goddamn five minutes, and then each of them POSED for each picture, duck faces and all. How many photos of yourself standing around waiting for a band to come on do you need? I am all for wild drunken dancing, I encourage it, and I appreciate that they were all super enthusiastic about each song, which is why it confused me that they then screamed and shouted through every song, and when they weren't screaming, they were falling into people and talking loudly during the quiet moments. Every person around them was giving them the stare of death. I was probably the most tolerant person in an eight foot radius around you, because hey, they bought tickets too, and yay for dancing, yay for being excited, I get that. But by the end of the night, I just wanted to take you outside and give you a lecture about not tolerating discourteous people. Courtesy is not something that needs to be followed like we're the staff in an English manor, courtesy doesn't mean standing quiet and still and nodding barely perceptibly. But it is a natural effect of being a self aware and compassionate, empathetic person. The most uneducated twat can be courteous if they are a genuinely nice smart person. You, for instance, seemed like a genuinely courteous person. I have to imagine that you are sleeping with one of those harpies and that's why you weren't stopping them. Maybe you realized they couldn't be stopped. I'm sure each and every single one of those girls has redeeming qualities, buried somewhere in there. But regardless of how they are like when they are sober, it is telling when someone is that big of a schmuck when drunk, it means something is very wrong with the programming.
You seemed really nice and cute, but your friends reflected badly on you, sorry. Either you can do a lot better, or you are actually a douche yourself, and I don't know, you just really didn't seem like that. Or I don't know, maybe you guys weren't drunk, maybe you were all fucked up on something else? In that case, disregard this whole thing.
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You don't have to tell me you shop at wegmans but it would be nice if you put "Married " in the subject line when you email me...
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